Wow! Talk about overwhelmed and emotional. I am doing everything I can to hold it together but man is it hard. I cant stop worrying and projecting and feeling like I'm going to explode with tears. I have to tell myself to remember its all about perspective. I have to see the bright side and not the crazy wicked dark side. Thank God I have such amazing friends and family. We have so much love in our life that I can't ever complain. We are blessed with a beautiful family and when we all cuddle up together before bed at night I close my eyes and take a deep breath in and remember that beautiful feeling of love. I carry that through my day and all seems better.
The major cause of worry is Cali goes in 10/19 for her first foot surgery. She walks on the insides of her feet and she has very flat feet. She is in pain everyday and even though she is making progress with her balance and walking, she crawls because her feet hurt her so bad. We have tried every brace possible since she was 1 years old and the pain just keeps getting worse. We have now resorted to surgery.
We check in 5am this Tuesday at CHOC in Orange and the surgery is 3 hours long. We will stay with Cali in the hospital for 1-2 days. She will be in major pain and I am hoping the pain meds wont make her sick. She will wear a cast for approx 8 weeks, then move to a walking cast and then to a brace. Once she is strong enough to bear weight we start all over again on the other foot. Final outcome after about a year of surgery/recovery Cali will hopefully be able to push forward on learning how to walk on her own.
Other concerns or I should say "projects":
-- We have been dealing with the school district to make sure Cali is getting the appropriate education that she deserves which let me tell you is the biggest frustration of them all. I feel so helpless up against the teachers and district who all say Cali is in a great program and she doing great. Like we dont know as her parents??? I KNOW if what they tell me is true or if they are bullshitting us and letting Cali sit in her chair in the corner of the class all day learning nothing. The problem is we have to prove it. The school district doesn't make changes based on motherly instinct unfortunately.
-- We meet with the neurologist again tomorrow so she can tell us she still knows nothing.
-- We are still in the middle of Genetic testing which so far has shown us nothing. They will continue to throw the darts at the balloon wall of known diseases which is never ending. Who knows if we will ever have a diagnosis.
As I type this I remember the great quote : Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. I know this is true. We are all fighting the battle of life. Its those moments that make us feel good and we remind ourselves to look on the bright side of life and soak in feelings of enjoyment and love. We go on fighting with a smile.