One day at a time, I have to keep telling myself that over and over. It's so surreal to think we are facing what we go through with Cali all over again with our new little baby Ryann. Its almost worse now that I know her fate. Cali has struggled so much, she struggles so much still now every day. As her parents, her family and friends we love Cali just the same if not more because of what she goes through. You can see the thoughts in her head through her beautiful knowing eyes. Cali draws people in with her beauty and her adoring disposition. I look at her and I cant help to think what she would be like if her brain were normal. She is 11 years old, in sixth grade with lots of friends and all that would be the same yet everything would be SO different. Its' scary to look ahead at what we will face. I have to tell myself that she is happy and that's what is important. Its ok that what she struggles with is so easy for most kids her age. Its the simplest things that you take advantage of and that come naturally that she has to work on so hard and still cannot achieve. Yet, every kid is different and who am I to ever feel sad about Cali. She is a blessing and God gave her to us. We were chosen to love her unconditionally, raise her and teach her to live her life independently. Thats the goal--- independence and happiness.
And now sweet angel baby Ryann, she has that same sweet look in her eyes. You can see that she knows what she is supposed to be doing or what she wants to say but her muscles just wont do it. She wants to clap her little baby hands or make babble noises at us but she cant. She tries so hard its enough to break our hearts into a million pieces. But it cant break. It has to stay together, we have to stay together for them. Its our job as their Mom and Dad to keep loving them unconditionally and raising them to be the best that they can be. We are just like any other Mom or Dad (good Moms and dads, like all parents should be). We are fighting the same battle. It's FOR SURE a battle. We fight for our kids all day everyday, even when they dont know it. We cant ever give up even when we feel defeated. We have to keep going one day at a time, making each day better then last.
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I feel you. Thats probably the hardest thought to break yourself from...the what if. I find myself thinking that often with the girls and it only leaves me bitter and frustrated. But just like you said, one day at a time. Right now everything is pretty wonderful so we can be happy for that. Its really quite easy to focus on what isn't right but when you think about it there really is sooo much to be happy for and I'm glad you and Rick have been able to focus on that every day. Who knows what the future has in store and miracles happen everyday-but for now we'll just take it one day at a time ;)
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